I’ll Make Them See I Have Confidence in Me

Sitting at home one recent Sunday afternoon, I turned the t.v. on to The Sound of Music.  To be honest, not on the top of my list of favorite movies… at least, not on the top of the list I first think about.  But watching the movie reminded me of something wholesome, something undeniably joyful.  Truly, this movie should be in my top list, if nothing else for those joyful, homely feelings it inspires in me.  When I hear those nuns asking themselves how to solve a problem like Maria, I cannot help but feel like I am Maria, and everyone around me is asking how to solve me.

So of course, I have a natural affinity to this movie, though I never remember watching it or loving it as a child.  And then, Maria sang about her confidence:

I’ve always longed for adventure, to do the things I’ve never dared. And here I’m facing adventure… then why am I so scared?

Bells should be going off at this point… we get to face adventure and do the things we never dared!  I get to paint for a year, to live without being tethered to unwanted or overburdening expectation.  I’ve never dreamed this could be possible!  And in such a short period of time, no less!  Maria and I are obviously friends.

And mind me with each step I am more certain, everything will turn out fine.

Oh, Maria!  You read my mind!  For someone who is graduating soon, or for someone who is looking out onto the precipice of a new phase in their life, it is so difficult to be assured that everything will turn out fine.  But, friends, I am becoming more sure that it will.

Springtime calls us, beckons us out of our wintry slumbers.  Awake, my beloved!  Come out from behind that wall, and come away from your confusion, your torpor, and your despair!  Have confidence that the beating of your heart is not for nothing!  Have hope that the course of your life is not idle or unnecessary.

Surely this degree is not useless (even if I do not see its immediate use).  Surely, writing this blog is more than idle voyeurism (even if it sometimes feels like I am typing into a void).  And surely, my heart does not swell with excitement and thrill when I think of finishing my degree with pride and making good use of this next year.

But even for those of us who aren’t facing the precipice, having confidence can still be a tricky thing.  To step out of one’s home each day with the confidence to face another day… that takes gumption.

And so, I leave you with the full lyrics of that song Maria sang on her way to the von Trapp family, anxious of her new role yet confident that things would–in the end–be fine.

Have confidence, friends.

What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what’s the matter with me?

I’ve always longed for adventure
To do the things I’ve never dared
And here I’m facing adventure
Then why am I so scared?

A captain with seven children
What’s so fearsome about that?

Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don’t I just know I’ll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack

The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I’m worthy
And while I show them
I’ll show me

So, let them bring on all their problems
I’ll do better than my best
I have confidence they’ll put me to the test
But I’ll make them see I have confidence in me

Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children (Heaven bless them!)
They will look up to me

And mind me with each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They’ll have to agree I have confidence in me

I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me

Strength doesn’t lie in numbers
Strength doesn’t lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up — Wake Up!

It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)

I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!

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One Reply to “I’ll Make Them See I Have Confidence in Me”

  1. I always love reading what you write, although I don’t do it often. Today it got my attention because you posted on FB. I remember once you said you are sometimes the last one to hear about some things and felt out of touch. Well now I am feeling that same way. When I read this part, “I get to paint for a year, to live without being tethered to unwanted or overburdening expectation.” What will you be painting, sure sounds like fun, well maybe if it is art and not stripes on the expressway, lol. You have been studying for years and if you are taking time, a year to kick back, that will be wonderful! I am looking forward to seeing you soon.

    Like

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