Broke Like I Ain’t Never Been Broke Before

Certainly, you must know what broke feels like.  It’s a condition that happens more frequently than we like to admit, and more chronically in some lives than we often imagine.  Normally, the majority of my funds come from (gasp) student loans.  Because I am blessed with a good scholarship, my loans pretty much pay for my living expenses.  But now I’m broke.  Broke broke broke.

It always happens this time of year, too.  When the leftovers of last semester’s loan checks plus the summer months’ full-time paychecks start to finally wear thin, they wear threadbare thin.  Which makes me wonder, am I simply living above my means?  Is the collection of my small one-bedroom apartment, cable, electricity, internet, and cell phone just too extravagant?

It’s depressing to think about for too long, so I won’t.

As a means of helping myself along until those loan checks come through, I’ve resorted to perhaps the most juvenile stop-gap: post-it notes.  They’re everywhere; they remind me not to spend money.  The most telling of which are on my debit card and credit card (which I have unfortunately taken out of storage to help with some of the high-dollar pre-semester expenses): they’re tiny, and they say to me in no uncertain terms, “No.  You don’t need it.  Whatever it is, you can do without it.”  No really, they actually say that.  So whenever I am driving home and the thought strikes me that I may need something at the store, I am reminded of those two little post-it notes ready to ambush me when I open my wallet.  No.  You don’t need it.  I swear.

But this brings me to my next logical thought.  Why can’t I ask for help?  When I have parents who are still willing to offer assistance if I need it, when I have a loving boyfriend who is also willing to help… what is stopping me from just asking for money to make it through?

Perhaps it’s because I have all my basic expenses paid until next month.  I know that if I were to ask for money at this point it would probably go toward something like dinner out with a friend, or some book that I don’t need for classes.  Perhaps I have a masochistic desire to teach myself a lesson.

Eh, who knows?  All I know is I’m broke.  If you’re broke, too, I know we both can make it.

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